@Birdhumms: Restless leg syndrome does not give you the right to swiftly kick people whenever you feel like it. I know that now.. 😆
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@KalvinMacleod: CASHIER: would you like to donate one dollar to charity? ME: no thank you SATAN (sitting on a throne made of human skulls): excellent choice
@brianbowman73: Female Coworker: I just got this implant in my arm. It's for birth control. Me: I didn't even know an arm could get pregnant.
@elvisknievil: If you ever need 15 minutes of peace and quiet from texting, tell her to send a selfie.
@TheMichaelRock: HR: Do you want your name on the October birthday list? Me: Nope. HR: Why not? Me: Because I'm not in Kindergarten.