@Manda_like_wine: Results are in: a lot of people took the "never change" yearbook inscription way too seriously.
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@daemonic3: MAN: [having heart attack] HELP...CAN'T...MOVE ME: Dude, are you ok?! MAN: [faintly] CALL...ME...A...DOCTOR ME: Oh sorry! Doctor, are you ok?!
@ojedge: [1st date] [to self] Don't let her know ur a boa constrictor Her: "How's your meal?" [i've dislocated my jaw & swallowed the whole table]
@EndhooS: Cop: Can I see some ID? Me: No. But you can see this... [Does that trick where you pretend to detach your thumb] Rookie cop: I didn't sign up to fight no wizard sarge