me: [walks into a darkened room of people holding hands around a table] what are you guys doing
psychic: *whispers* seance
Rich guy does it: 50 Shades of Grey.
Poor guy does it: Cops.
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Harry Potter fans: I wanna go to Hogwarts. Narnia fans: I wanna go to Narnia. Hunger Games fans: Nope I’m good..
Just finished a 5k. It took me 4 days and was filled with snacks and naps but at least I finished.
10: What does AF mean?
After Flossing. Now go brush your teeth and they will be clean AF.
Why do you ask?
10: Mom said you were lazy AF.
What’s a moderation, and how do I drink in one?
The human body can survive three weeks without food, three days without water but only three hours without wifi.
Dude on the street corner was like $5 for a sandwich? And he didn’t even have a sandwich is why I have trust issues
I saved my husband’s life insurance company 1 million dollars by switching to xanax.