making internet enemies is a lot easier than making internet friends but i guess it does keep the curse protection talisman industry alive.
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Years ago I was able to find the trashcan in a friend’s kitchen on the first try, and I’ve been riding that high ever since
I have too much stuff in my closet, so no one can be certain Tom Cruise isn’t hanging out in there, too.
I presented pragmatic, irrefutable facts and felt confident I made my case, but my dog would have none of it.
*sees lost cat*
Hey buddy you lost
there’s a phone number
*little cell phone in cats pocket starts ringing*
Sometimes I lie and tell my husband I spent $300 at Costco so he’ll stop talking to me.
*I enter the bank and draw a weapon*
Teller: holy shit
Teller: you suck at art
Auto correct changed “group hug” to “grope hug” and I’m not in charge of the team-building exercises any more.
“We had to let him go. He was only pulling 15 times his weight.”
– Corporate ants.
I’m going to start a Metal band and only sing about things that make me rage, like when a spatula gets stuck in a drawer and I can’t open it