[Riding a saddled turtle]
[turtle just goes normal speed for turtles]
Aww man.

You Might Also Like


My 4yo just shut the bathroom door on me while I was inside and told me I was in jail. So I locked the door. I love this game.


ME: Who do you want to be at my Frozen-themed party?
FRIEND: Let me be Olaf or Elsa
ME: Ok but never threaten me in an Italian accent again


Many people are shocked when they find out I’m not a good electrician.


My chiropractor told me I have to stop using air quotes when I call him “doctor.”


A lady in a BMW pulled up to me on my bike to ask if it was hot out, and now my goal is to be so rich I can’t feel weather.


Q: How do you find Will Smith in the snow?

A: You look for the fresh prints!

I’ll show myself out y’all


If I ever seem smug or like I have a huge ego, it is typically because I have been regular for like 3 days


My daughter just called me “Whatever your name is” so you know I’m killing it at parenting multiple kids over here.


[wine and cheese]

HOST: Welcome, can I offer you a glass of wine?

370 RATS IN A TRENCHCOAT: We’ll start with the cheese thanks


*A burlap bag is pulled off your head, a bright spotlight is causing you to blink*