@jjhartinger

[ring]
Me: Hi
Mom: You picked up.
Me: I know
M: Why
Me: You called
M: I wanted to leave a message
Me: Just tell me
M: Hang up
[ring]
Me: Hi

You Might Also Like

@ZombieProblms

I bumped into a cute guy today.

I clawed his face off.

I should work on my people skills.

@JohnLyonTweets

Hot air balloon operator: How long a ride do you want?

Me: Can we stay up for 12 to 18 months?

@SuperRandomish

Drinking wheatgrass juice is a great way to know what being a lawnmower tastes like.

@iwearaonesie

me *walks into house*
wife: Where are the kids?
me *turns around and goes back out*

@TheBoydP

Sex is great but have you ever perfectly clapped the hand clapping part of a song?

@HavocMantis

FACT: When a dog barks at you, it’s actually their skeleton barking.

PROOF: I have never seen a dog without a skeleton bark.

@Aikiwomannc

Even though Janice had always wanted an extravagant wedding, she couldn’t help but feel putting toilet paper on the bridal registry was a bit over the top.

@CMHorrocks

“There is no ‘I’ in team!” Steve Jobs yells at his iTeam.