@GaryJanetti

Rio just listed a slightly used Olympic stadium on eBay.

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@SaraESpivey

Good for you, the 3 people trying to keep MySpace alive. Good. For. You.

@aaronfredericks

me: *gritting my teeth* they will pay for this. you’ll see. they will ALL pay for this

waitress: okaaay… so separate checks then?

@DanMentos

[walks up to guys playing basketball]
“mind if I join?”
you any good?
Hell yeah I’m good. Toss me the orange sphere

@Ameiam

So, if you get pregnant in Vegas, does the baby have to stay there?

@decentbirthday

Just heard local reports of a stalker, which is funny because I watch everyone through their windows and none of them look suspicious