@GaryJanetti: Rio just listed a slightly used Olympic stadium on eBay.
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@bourgeoisalien: #TT At 14 I yelled, "You'll NEVER understand Morrissey,dad!!" and tried to run dramatically out of the room but ran into a wall & fell over.
@LackOfShame: Boss: Just spend the company's money with the same discretion as you would your own. Me: I understand. *bankrupts the company
@GrantTanaka: Wife just found out my ring tone for her is "ding dong the witch is dead" so if anyone wants to race to Canada READY SET GO
@simoncholland: Apparently it is "against church policy" to drop your kids off in the nursery and then go to brunch.