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@craiguito: RIP the dinosaurs. Can't believe it's 65 million years already.
Always in my thoughts
@NOTVIKING: date: i like a lot of music but i’m really into rock
me: [trying to impress her] oh yeah me too
date: really? what’s your favorite subgenre?
me: [visibly sweating] s-sedimentary
@curlycomedy: People who finish their entire stick of lip balm without losing it first should be the only ones allowed to have kids.
@hstweetheart: I'LL TAKE TEN OF YOUR FINEST MIDGETS! THEY MUST BE CLEVER CONVERSATIONALISTS & KNOW HOW TO PARTY.
"...Ma'am, this is a preschool..."
@ThugRaccoons: Me: Here we stand before the ashes of sacrifice laid down by your ancestors.
Wife: Will you stop talking to the charcoal and clean the stupid grill
@chuuew: BOSS: Can I see you in my office?
INVISIBLE-MAN: [sigh] I don't know how many more ways I can explain this to you