Rob Zombie is a good musician but also a great way to make money when the undead rise from their graves

You Might Also Like


I want to invent a nap time machine, which is a time machine that takes you to times you could’ve napped and didn’t.


straight people: gay marriage is an embarrassment to marriage!

also straight people:


Come on Canada, first Celine, then Nickelback, NOW Bieber!? Are you TRYING to provoke a war?


*takes off sunglasses*

Me: Okay, weigh me now.

Talking scales: *sigh* You weigh the same but look a lot less cool.


4-year-old: Why does mom always yell at you?

Me: Marriage is complicated.

4: Is it because you’re stupid?


what’s cool about Mitt Romney is that when you put politics aside he’s still a genuinely detestable person


Cats REALLY hate dryers.
However, Patches has Never looked this fluffy


[speed dating]

HER: I’m a real planner. I like people who plan ahead.

ME: *trying to impress her* I’m already wearing a condom


[Watching Alien: Resurrection]

*Alien dies*

Me: *skeptical* Not buying it.