Me: Well, I lost 9 pounds.
Her: That’s great, hon! Where’s the baby?
Me: Let me repeat…
Robin: Gee Bruce, how come you get to wear dark concealing colors and I have to wear bright Red, Yellow and Green?
Batman: You’re the decoy
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Me: oh thank you I got it on sale.
“What’s the most important thing that is missing from your sex life?”
Me: A partner
she : XOXOXOXOX
Me : stop cheating babe. You can’t play both our turns.
I fear all this talk of llamas & dresses has distracted us from the important fact that there is video of Madonna falling off a stage.
[Before people were invented]
THE EARTH: This is nice
Two strangers on the subway just got into a political argument and now I can see they’re each writing Facebook posts about it
Curiosity gave the cat slightly high blood pressure but nothing to be concerned about.
Roses are red.
My name is not Dave.
This poem makes no sense.
The year 2932, lines for the new iPhone are so long, many die before reaching the end. Those who do, get back in line for the next phone.