@WilliamRodgers

Robin: Gee Bruce, how come you get to wear dark concealing colors and I have to wear bright Red, Yellow and Green?

Batman: You’re the decoy

You Might Also Like

@HenpeckedHal

Me: Well, I lost 9 pounds.
Her: That’s great, hon! Where’s the baby?
Me: Let me repeat…

@TheWidowmakerX

“What’s the most important thing that is missing from your sex life?”

Me: A partner

@DannyZuker

I fear all this talk of llamas & dresses has distracted us from the important fact that there is video of Madonna falling off a stage.

@shutupmikeginn

Two strangers on the subway just got into a political argument and now I can see they’re each writing Facebook posts about it

@DamonHunzeker

Curiosity gave the cat slightly high blood pressure but nothing to be concerned about.

@TheComedyHumor

Roses are red.

My name is not Dave.

This poem makes no sense.

Microwave.

@Reverend_Scott

The year 2932, lines for the new iPhone are so long, many die before reaching the end. Those who do, get back in line for the next phone.