@NotThatKunal

Robocop’s guns malfunction.

Robocop gets sued for manslaughter.

Robocop loses his home.

Hobocop.

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@sixfootcandy

I like to play this game called “How busy I can I pretend to look when my boss walks by my desk.”

@anhonestmess

A popcorn necklace is a nice way to tell someone you want them to be attacked by birds.

@vladchoc

Dance like no one’s a werewolf. Eat like you found it in the couch. Shout like your cat’s sleeping. Feel good like a bossy poem told you to.

@BunAndLeggings

My kids caught me eating candy and they both took turns interrogating me trying to get me to tell them where the candy stash is, but I ain’t no snitch I ain’t telling them shit!

@yoyoha

Firecrackers let you know how close drunk people are to your house.

@Mardigroan

Genie: You have three wishes.

Me: First, I would like a time machine.

*travels back in time a few minutes now owning a time machine*

Genie: You have three wishes.

@CantWaitToNap

It’s Saturday and over 10 boxes just got delivered.

It’s like Amazon wants me to get a divorce.

@StarWarsProblms

Qui-gon: You will give me the parts

Watto: I’m immune to mind tricks

Qui: Are you immune to lightsabers?

Watto: I will give you the parts