Robocop’s guns malfunction.

Robocop gets sued for manslaughter.

Robocop loses his home.


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I like to play this game called “How busy I can I pretend to look when my boss walks by my desk.”


A popcorn necklace is a nice way to tell someone you want them to be attacked by birds.


Dance like no one’s a werewolf. Eat like you found it in the couch. Shout like your cat’s sleeping. Feel good like a bossy poem told you to.


My kids caught me eating candy and they both took turns interrogating me trying to get me to tell them where the candy stash is, but I ain’t no snitch I ain’t telling them shit!


Firecrackers let you know how close drunk people are to your house.


Genie: You have three wishes.

Me: First, I would like a time machine.

*travels back in time a few minutes now owning a time machine*

Genie: You have three wishes.


It’s Saturday and over 10 boxes just got delivered.

It’s like Amazon wants me to get a divorce.


Qui-gon: You will give me the parts

Watto: I’m immune to mind tricks

Qui: Are you immune to lightsabers?

Watto: I will give you the parts