@AnnettePriest: Rolling your eyes is NOT a design skill.
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@ComedicBust: [Walking into the gym Jan 1st] Trainer: Hello! This is a great life change you're making. Me: [confused] This used to be an Olive Garden..
@CodyJP9412: HER: What're you most afraid of? ME: *thinking of how terrible it would be if my dog laid eggs that hatched into cats* Losing you, babe.
@Fred_Delicious: *cop bursts into bathroom* "KID DON'T FLUSH THOSE DRUGS!" *toilet is wearing shades* "damn. we're too late" *toilet rides off on motorcycle*