
Why do infants wake up crying as if they are the ones who have to go out and work!?
Why do infants wake up crying as if they are the ones who have to go out and work!?
sometimes I wonder if Einstein’s friends were ever able to say “nice work, Einstein” without sounding sarcastic
SHAGGY: hey Scoob you look like you have a bad case of updog
SCOOBY-DOO: rut’s updog
SHAGGY: not much what’s up with you man lol
SCOOBY-DOO: ruck rou Raggy
They say you shouldn’t eat right before bed so now I just wait until I’m in bed.
heres my To Do List – become the new kfc colonel, mess with texas, invent a new animal just to piss off scientists
Your sex life as a parent basically becomes “Fifty Shades of Pray Those Kids Stay Asleep.”
Why is it called “getting ghosted” when ghosts whole thing is sticking around too long
Replace his deodorant with a glue stick so he thinks of you every time he tries to raise his arm to put around the shoulders of another girl
Yes, I did a photo shoot with my thesis. Longest labor ever. #phdlife
Co-worker: *tells story*
Me: I’m so sorry to hear that.
CW: What? It’s not a bad story.
Me: No, I’m just really sorry I had to hear it.