Whenever I miss my ex I think about the things I didnt like about him… Like his hairy behind and his wife.
CENTURION: please state your date of birth
CITIZEN: May I
CENTURION: when is it tho
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Hulu coming to PS3. Finally I can watch TV on my TV.
do singers know a song will be big beforehand? like that snow white hi-ho song, no way those lil’ dudes knew, they were just mining and shit
“Mommy, why does an old person’s skin look so see-through?”
Aw, honey, it’s just because they are getting ready to be a ghost. Sleep tight.
If anyone out there is named Aesop dear god please open a table store I have just the name for you.
Do angry tweeters know about prune juice?
The scary moment when the person you just watched sneeze in their hand wants to shake your hand
my proudest tweet
Mom asked me what it’s like being a single middle aged woman so I took a handful of cat & dog hair from my purse and threw it in her coffee.