I looked at a shelf once online and now every ad is like “SO YOU LIKE SHELVES??????” and everywhere i go i think a shelf is following me
romeo and juliet is what happens when you don’t sync your watches before a mission
You Might Also Like
KFC Cashier: I hope your family enjoys this 12 piece meal
Me: Throw in a few extra this time.
Pharmacist: We’ve talked about this.
*Unpacks 60 items of groceries onto checkout area*
CHECKOUT GIRL: I have a boyfriend.
ME: Oh, OK.
*slowly repacks trolley*
Whenever I conduct a job interview I ask the applicant to name their favorite Muppet, and no matter the answer I scowl and shake my head.
PRINCE CHARMING: The glass slipper fits! You’re my true love!
CINDERELLA: worst 👏 dating app 👏 ever
Kidnapping is such a strong word. I prefer the term, “surprise adoption”.
Eastern Europe – 1989
“If we leave the Soviet Union, we might have to get visas to visit Siberia and turnips will be more expensive”
My parties got a hundred times better when I realized if I didn’t invite anybody I could eat all the snacks.