@pixelatedboat: Ronald McDonald kills millions of cows and he's the world's most beloved clown, but I butcher one and I "ruined your son's birthday party"?
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@leakypod: Me: can I have that with no ice? [raises menu to hide mouth & whispers to date] people don’t realize u get more that way haha Waiter: sir we dont put ice in soup
@Donna_McCoy: Reasons to evacuate before a hurricane: 5. Winds 4. Flooding 3. Power outages 2. No pizza delivery 1. Wet socks
@hexprax: hi senator, yeah it's me again , how u been the last couple days? just want to go on record that I don't want to be killed this way either
@GuyEndoreKaiser: People are obsessed with this storm but in ten years no one will talk about it anymore, which is why they named it after the movie Juno.