just saw a preview of the upcoming commercial for Lady Doritos, yikes
Ronald McDonald’s favorite song is the bigmacarena
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Apparently, Indian banks will give you a loan only if you prove that you don’t need it.
Buddy: her boyfriend was killed?
Me: Yeah, she said he was hung like a horse but I’m like, who even kills horses like that?
Marital Law & Martial Law while look similar have very different meanings…
.. Except at my house.
What is this special type of waffle called a “Tennis racket” and why does it taste like metal wires?
Me: Nice biker jacket. You ride?
Me: So you’re a liar?
Him: Nice yoga pants
Me: That jacket looks so awesome on you!
When a billionaire dies, who inherits their senators?
Daughter: It’s Halloween…let’s do something really scary.
Me: You’re in luck…I’m just about to do the bills.
Did my noble deed today and got a few boxes of Girl Scout cookies. It wasn’t for me, it was for the organization of course.
If you wear your jeans 5 days in a row, they become all baggy and it looks like you’re losing weight.
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