Moms, teach your sons to mind their manners, cook a decent meal & look for inner beauty.nnDads, teach your daughters how to throw a punch.
Room service: Would you like your glass of wine before din…Me:(interrupting) YES.
You Might Also Like
FYI a woman in Italy told me it’s healthy to eat pasta every day as long as you only eat lasagna on the weekends I am seeking no further nutrition opinions at this time
before you criticize someone remember they’re a human being just like you with flaws and insecurities and if you focus on those it’s easier to make them cry
officer: give me your name
me: then what am I going to use?
Doing some research on the Fresh Prince of Belair. Does anybody know where he was born and raised and where he spent most of his days?
ME: it’s like a dream come true
UNICORN [speaking German and wearing a purple leotard while smoking a giant cigar]: you better enjoy it pal we had to pull a lot of strings to make this happen
Bully: [crying, arms shaking in exhaustion, knocks kid down a 32nd time]
10 y/o Chumbawamba: [gets up again]
[on the phone with my mom]
Me: I think we should get a dog. I really think it would be good to have someone to shower with love and affection right now
Husband: I AM SITTING RIGHT HERE
I’m at that age where I can’t simply pick something up, I need to first knock it over and then pick it up.
You know it’s not believable when six people rob a bank in a movie if you’ve ever tried to organize a dinner for six people.