@ahamedweinberg: Tombstones should just say how old the person was. I don't wanna walk around doing grave math.

@desusnice: John Lennon got shot and died. Cam'ron got shot and drove to the hospital in a Lamborghini. Not even a contest.

@ShaunRightNow: I think God created marriage so death wouldn't come as such a disappointment.

@AnitaHelmet: When it comes to sex, I really need to have a connection. Otherwise the page just keeps buffering and it takes FOREVER to load.

@ComedicBust: We kissed. We undressed. I felt her heart beat. I used her bathroom. I saw Colgate toothpaste. I left. We never spoke again.