The winds of change can blow me.
You Might Also Like
I try to get all my news from FB
I saved a ton of money on cool sports cars, vacation getaways and NFL season tickets by having children.
Apparently telling someone you’ll catch their next wedding is unacceptable, whatevers.
Boss: why are your eyes red?
Me: I got shampoo in them
Boss: we’ve talked about this
Me: *sighs* don’t wash eyelashes
Me: but you can’t deny this volume
Boss: oh I am painfully jealous
When your man makes a valid point
“That looks shiny and clean, I’m gonna touch it a lot.”
When I cut my nails in the yard outside, I wonder if the ants really appreciate the giant tusk weapons I’m giving them for their battles…
I hope my dog doesn’t turn out weird because she’s being homeschooled.
me: one shitty donut with gross frosting please
bagel employee: you don’t have to come here, you know