@hansabumsadaisy

#RubbishJokes #Coffee
Waiter, waiter, the coffee is cold!

Thanks for letting me know, ice coffee is one pound dearer.

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@champ_of_yuth

accidentally emailed my crush a bunch of pics of me in my karate uniform again

@DaddyJew

Oh no, my kid got upset at me and locked himself in his room. What ever will I do. Margarita anyone?

@HeatherLuvsYou

A foreign kid asked me how to speak English the other day, so I teached him some.

@mrjohndarby

me: I’d like to buy a hotdog with ketchup please

vendor: sorry cash only

@yonewt

My wife’s signature move is asking me a question then turning on the faucet when I answer.

@mollytolsky

Pro-tip for couples suddenly working from home together: Get yourselves an imaginary coworker to blame things on. In our apartment, Cheryl keeps leaving her dirty water cups all over the place and we really don’t know what to do about her.

@yonewt

Needing to “loose” some weight this year isn’t your biggest problem, my friend.

@OkigboXL

PSA: Don’t EVER let your printer know that you’ve waited until the last minute to print something out and you’re in hurry because they can sense fear.