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I don't like Russian dolls.
They are so full of themselves.
@nikkithecanuck: Americans are just Canadians that someone fed after midnight.
@Robert_Beau: I used to think paramedics were ghost doctors.
@VerbsRProudest: When someone tries to shush me by handing me a donut, I feel so conflicted.
@BonesHer: Few things are creepier than someone saying "I know" after you introduce yourself.
@Brampersandon_: [leaving a party]
HOST (holding 2 identical coats): which is urs
ME: does 1 have a corn dog in its pocket
M (suspiciously): mine had 2