Running with my dog, holding his poop in a small, lavender scented, biodegradable bag like the top-of-the-food-chain creature that I am.

You Might Also Like


HR: Alright people, let’s be a little more sensitive to Linda because she’s pregnant with child

Sally [who is pregnant with a hedgehog]: *sigh*


Why go through the trouble of becoming an astronaut when you could just put a plastic bag over your head and roll down a hill in a freezer?


Trivia: Bugs Bunny was originally named “Insects Rabbit” and his catchphrase was, “What is transpiring, Physician?”


*hires a group of teenage girls to giggle every time you walk by*


No thank you, I don’t need a coaster. I won’t be putting my drink down.


If u havin girl problems i feel bad for u son

jery had 73 girlfriends throughout seinfelds run


I listen to Ed Sheeran in the same way I stuff an entire cupcake in my mouth over the sink hoping no one will see.


Tomorrow I’m gonna chase someone…like really run after them..screaming and everything.


*spins in circles*


*gets stuck in corner*


*spins in circle*


[Me playing Call of Duty with my son]


Gonna trade in my wife’s menstrual cycle for a really cool mountain bike.