I bet parents get annoyed when their kids ask “are we there yet?” when they’re fully aware they now live in a car
* Runs Baywatch-style into oncoming traffic *
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Her: I’m putting you in the dead zone
Me: Lol you mean the friend zone
Adorable idea. Colleagues have been writing names on their food in the office fridge. I am currently eating a yoghurt called Debbie
Omg, I’m a huge fan!
Me: Grandma, please pass the updog.
Sister: *Pinches bridge of her nose*
Grandma: What’s updog?
Me: Not much, how about you?
You can’t believe it’s not butter? Buddy, almost everything is not butter
My husband told me I cheated on him in his dream.
The best response was not “Was he hot?”
I know this now.
If you are petting a small dog in your lap, it is important to let everyone else in the zoom meeting know what you are doing with your hand.
If you have twin girls and don’t dress them like in “The Shining” and make them stand in hallways, you’ve squandered a precious gift.
Left my car for maybe 15 minutes in front of the dorms and I come back to this. College man