It’s not the amount of followers young GRASSHOPPER.
It’s the quality of followers.
*Runs into bank with gun*
Alright! Everyone put your hands up!
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I ate 4 lunch ladies before someone explained that’s not what they’re for.
Him: I lost my dog today at the company picnic!
Me: You should post something on FaceBook.
Him: My dog isn’t on FaceBook.
[home depot guy going through my list] these are all the things from the game Mouse Trap
[i sweetly pet a wild baby deer in my lap] aww this is so boring
By the age of 30 you should have
1. $100 in your account
2. a knee pain
4. back pain
*daughter grabs 50 shades of grey*
*smacks it out of her hand*
“I want to color!”
ITS NOT WHAT YOU THINK
DON’T CALL ME THAT
Pro Tip: I’m not a pro. Don’t listen to my tips.
Ant Man: bit by a radioactive ant
Daredevil: bit a radioactive devil (on a dare)
Captain America: bit by a radioactive america
It’s illegal to shine a laser pointer at a plane because a cat might attack the plane