Apparently “I don’t like scary movies,” is not an appropriate response to being asked to watch a wedding video.
*runs into long lost friend*
Him- I started out on the bottom now I’m a district MGR. what do you do?
Me- I disappoint people
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No, Karen ….
Gold, Frankincense and Myrrh
is NOT a Jewish law firm.
It’s not working out because we like different things. For example, I like quiet evenings at home, and she likes someone else.
Aragorn: “You have my sword.”
Legolas: “And my bow.”
Gimli: “And my axe.”
Me: “And my children, all of them – ok at least just one. Wait, where are you all going?”
I also do all my own stunts, but never intentionally.
The movie Noah would be more entertaining if it was combined with Sharknado.
Cashier: Cute kid, how old?
Mom: Thank you, 28 months & 4days. What’s my total?
Cashier: Your total is 756 quarters & 8 dimes.
A journey of a thousand miles begins with a single “I’m going out for cigarettes.”
1. Change last name to Crunch.
2. Join the military.
3. Work my way up to Captain.
4. Become Captain Crunch.
5. WIN LIFE
[slams on the brakes]
WHAT DO YOU MEAN LINDSAY LOHAN PLAYED BOTH TWINS IN THE PARENT TRAP