Cartman: Respect my
Um, why did I fail this test?
Teacher: You just wrote in English and added “ski” to the end of the words…
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“Alcohol is just water with feelings in it,” said the girl who failed chemistry.
Americans who pronounce Z like Ted are given Canadian citizenship, free Timbits for life, and one pet baby moose.
GF: What a perfect night
ME: It gets better *bends on 1 knee* Will you…
GF: OMG yes!
ME: *puts Space Jam DVD on her finger* put this in?
itself itself itself itself itself itself itself itself itself….
If 2020 was a cake, it would be a urinal cake
Sing me a song you’re the piano man / clean out my pool you’re the gardener /now light up my room you’re a ceiling fan
Wife: Will he still able to play the accordion?
Doc: Ma’am, your husband has no brain function whatsoever
Wife: So yes then
I try to live each day like it’s my last, which is why I rarely have clean socks. Who wants to wash socks on the last day of their life?
Her: Your house has a lot of cool stuff in it… Who plays the piano?
Me: Pretty much anybody who is trying to get on somebody’s nerves.