@Loli_Sug: There should be a "shame" setting on showerheads.

@dxxnya: me: i love sleepovers doctor: this isn’t a sleepover, you’re in the hospital me: then why do I have this nightgown doctor: that’s a hospital gown me: truth or dare doctor: me: doctor: dare

@nettie0918: My boss just informed me its unprofessional to tell customers congratulations when they call in to change last name due to divorce.

@NoogsCorner: To do list:nn1) Kill the fly in my room. nn2) Try to snort multivitamins.nn3) Practice Hadouken in mirror.nn4) Kill the fly's loved ones.

@painted_eel: *whispers to old lady at Starbucks* one time they ran out of coffee here and we ate a baby