I yelled, “what are you doing!?” and my 3yo threw her fruit snacks like she was running away from the cops.
You Might Also Like
Friend: *texting* How are you holding up? Staying busy?
Me: Yeah actually I’ve gotten really into philosophy
[Earlier that day]
Me: Alexa if you shave all your hair off do you use face wash or body soap on the top of your head
Some people make mountains out of mole hills, some people make a competition out of crazy
My son says I only had kids so I could make them do chores. Like yes, I made a bunch of messy, whiny poop machines so they could cry while doing a crap job of cleaning that I just have to redo later.
Mom said angels are watching over me I’m just afraid they’re taking notes to make sure I go to hell.
team rocket: that boy’s pikachu is special
team rocket: we need it
meowth: im literally the only pokemon who can talk
team rocket: that pikachu is so unique no other pokemon will do
team rocket: only that pikachu is deserving of love
Loneliness can make you do some strange people.
If your conspiracy theory doesn’t involve cats, don’t bother me.
“Smells fresh. Like a tropical island.”
“Ok. Now take off the blindfold! Your family’s been dead in this car for a week! We Febrezed it!”
If your rice gets wet, just put it in a bag of phones.