Judas: Here, I brought this
Jesus: A bottle of wine? Srsly? I need that like I need a hole in my hand
Judas: *winks at camera*
Sad how some stick figures get stuck working the hangman game, while others get to have nice families on the back of SUVs
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Idea: Eels. Exactly the same storyline as Cats but they’re all eels.
SCIENTIST: it’s our thinnest toilet paper yet, sir. less than a picometer
CEO: *rips it by breathing on it* put it in every public restroom
my luck, when someone actually falls in love with me, they will only tell me so shouted in German
To whoever hacked all the Yahoo accounts, please email me my Myspace login info. It’s in there somewhere…
ME: *falling in love with my karate instructor* how about we turn this roundhouse into a roundhome?
KARATE INSTRUCTOR: *roundhome kicks me in the gut*
Except you, cauliflower, you have to pretend to be other food.
“We feel that you just aren’t quite mature enough for the position.”
It’s the Velcro shoes, isn’t it.
Kylo: I need an N to finish my favorite Vader quote.
Han: This is SpaghettiOs, not Alphabet Soup.
Kylo: Great. Now Vader says, “OOOOOOOO!”
My front facing camera:
Me: I disagree.