@SaraMansford

Sad that at 36 I have yet to experience the dirty dancing lift. If it doesn’t happen by 40 I’ll just start running at random strangers.

You Might Also Like

@protolalia

Me: One day I took my friend-
Him: Wait, you have a friend?
Me: Yes
Him: Wow, ok, go on
Me: So I took my friend to the vet for her shots and

@brandonleecool

Coca-cola should make a Coca-cola flavored candy cane and call it a Coke Cane.

@Cavspc

Today I have been sober for 100 days.

Not, like, in a row or anything. Just in total.

@MandiAtRandom

I’m an early bird and a night owl, so I’m basically some form of permanently exhausted pigeon

@KateWhineHall

*runs in place*
*cracks knuckles*
*stretches neck*
*takes a deep breath*

*heads toward buffet*

@mattZillaaaa

*lays in bed for 12 hours

I guess I’ll get up now

*walks over to couch & lays down

@Eden_Eats

How long are you supposed to rest in between sets at the gym?

Please say like 5 months?

@ceejoyner

Our guide called the bear tracks I found bike tracks. Laugh it up pal, but if these bears are on bikes we’re all going to die out here.

@kristynn11

The hunt for apples and oranges on tinder was the biggest disaster of my life. Mission failed: we’ll get em next time.

@LovelyFilters

relationship status:

[ ] single

[ ] taken

[X] waiting for the spaceship to return