My neighbor’s diary says I have boundary issues.
Sagittarius: A bad situation gets worse this week when your family refuses to pay the ransom.
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WARNING: Local youths are challenging passers-by to attempt the world record for how fast a person can climb the oak tree on Pinewick Road. DON’T DO IT. Once you’re up the tree, they steal your bicycle. Also, I don’t think they timed me so I don’t even know if I broke the record
Studies found that 1 in 4 men are gay, meaning someone in my close group of friends is gay. I hope its Dave, he’s really cute…
It creeps me out when my dog watches my wife and I have sex. We hide the videotapes, but he always finds them.
A reality show where gay marriage opponents have to live under 100% Biblical laws for six months so they can show us how awesome it is.
STOP talking shit about F•R•I•E•N•D•S
Rachel is KIND
Monica is NURTURING
Joey is CONSIDERATE
Phoebe is TALENTED
Chandler is FUNNY
When a guy wearing shorts and sandals to a bar is picking out songs on the jukebox, it’s going to end badly for everyone.
When people ask how my childhood was, I say “Pretty good, so far.”
[to psychic gf] the spirits you talk to make fun of me don’t they
[she laughs for no reason]
AHHHH *punching the air* FIGHT ME SPIRITS
Justin Bieber’s to be the new face of Calvin Klein. Awful news given he does such a terrible job of being the current face of Justin Bieber.