I went into accounting because there is strength in numbers.
saleslady: can I help you
“yes, how many leg holes do these pants have?”
saleslady: ummm just the usual two
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Guys I’ve run some math on it and this whole Santa business is truly bananas.
Just used a stiletto heel to open an Amazon package.
Next up – that impossible to reach, itchy spot in the middle of my back.
So much has changed in such a short period of time. But whoa is still spelled whoa.
How do male civil unions not end with the phrase “I dude”?
In Canada they just call them geese
Corned beef and potatoes running aimlessly about on the playground.
Eventually one of these Republican congressmen is going to find out his daughter is a woman, and then we’re all set.
Eighteen is too young to get married. You can’t even buy alcohol. If you can’t drink, how are you going to make your marriage work?
“POLICE, COME OUT WITH YOUR HANDS UP.”
Show me a badge.
*cop gets badge out*
I didn’t say Simon Says.
“Let’s go home guys. Sorry, my fault.”