Female fishermen should be called Broadcasters.
satan: i am lord of the underworld.
satan: no it’s much hotter.
me: (nods) Australia.
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[being held back from my burning house by firemen]
get off me you bastar- MY VIN DIESEL BODY PILLOW IS STILL IN THERE
Me: Hello, yes, I’d like one Big Mac please, no cyanide
McDonalds worker: cyanide?
Me: you know what fine
This house is Not going to clean itself. Apparently, I’m not either.
“You want to have your cake and eat it, too.” “Yeah. It’s MY cake.”
me: I wish my dad was alive
dad: *stuck in a coffin* oh no not again
A shark, a crocodile and a giant spider walk into a bar.
There’s no punchline. It’s just a typical night in Australia.
Walk like an Egyptian is a song, but also a sure fire way to make it safely through a bad neighborhood.
You can count on your dog to be the first responder when anything or anyone drops to the floor.