ME: You go thru space & time, just traveling alone?
DOCTOR WHO: Usually w/a companion
ME: Folks from space-time?
DW: God no 21st century UK
SATANIST #1: we need a lot of blood for this ritual
SATANIST #2: yeah but how can we carry it all
KOOL AID MAN: why is everybody staring at me
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You think your spouse loves you?Put them & a dog in the trunk of the car for a day. When you open the trunk, who is really happy to see you?
words that seem cool until you find out what they mean
– space bar
[guy who’s about to invent dates]
*eating a meal* what if I could disappoint someone else at the same time?
Hey, did you guys know you can do just about anything if you use asterisks?
*rides T-Rex off into the sunset*
yeah st. louis has some weird eating habits but did you know that when you ask for pizza in chicago they give you lasagna
wife: [crying] “he always calls me weird pet names”
therapist: “what do you mean?”
me: [arriving late] “what’s wrong my little hovercraft?”
I went into my local bookstore and asked for a book on turtles. “Hardback?” The assistant asked.
“Yes” I replied, “with little heads”
me: hi do you take walk-ins
the morgue: what
My wife told me to get a real job or pack my bags!
What an idiot! Who threatens someone with a vacation???