Saw a couple standing in the park holding each other tightly, silently, not moving. I was touched.

Both their phones must’ve been stolen.

You Might Also Like


Transform chocolate into a balanced meal by eating it standing on one leg WITHOUT falling over. Chocolate yoga: it’s the next big thing.


Nobody was healthier than my vegan, gluten-free friend Chad until the day that baby squirrel beat him to death.


Executioner: last meal?

Me: I want to eat the electric chair

Executioner [through walkie talkie]: can he do that


Him: I’d prefer that you just remain unapologetic instead of offering up some non-apology.

Me: I’m sorry you feel that way.


everyone on the saturday night live thing pronounced it sarynyelive


Some schools are banning Santa so they don’t offend non-Christian students. That sucks, because Santa is my favorite part of the Bible.


gf: you should learn from your mistakes
me: ok! so teach me


Paris Hilton says that bees frighten her. I bet the rest of the alphabet does too.