@AndyAsAdjective: Saw a guy riding a unicycle today. Actually, he was riding a bicycle but I didn't see him & I hit him with my car. Then boom! Unicycle.
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@MotherJonestown: STAGES OF DRUNK: 1. Wow. I can dance. 2. All hats look GOOD on me. 3. Shhh. Don't wake up the cows.
@Still_Khaleesi: It's so annoying when you've already planned out a convo in your head and the other person doesn't follow the script. Learn your script! 😫
@robdelaney: I'm so sweaty at all times I think it would be biologically accurate to call me amphibious.
@ShitJokes: Did you know that you can tell the gender of an ant by throwing it in water? If it sinks = girl ant. If it floats = buoyant.