I just saved $30 on Taco Bell by telling a friend I don’t have my wallet
Saw an Italian nativity scene:
• 47 wise guys
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Me: Is there any particular way you don’t want your name pronounced?
Percy: Not per se
Horses kill more people than sharks, which is weird — I didn’t even know horses could live underwater.
Friend: *passes me her newborn baby*
Me: What is this clothed potato and why have you given it to me?
I accept your apology.
Can I borrow your phone? I need to cancel the hit I put out on you.
Rio just listed a slightly used Olympic stadium on eBay.
Put your family down and pay attention to your phone.
I asked him about his weekend, but apparently what happens in vagueness, stays in vagueness.
Me: “I want to go on a diet.” Food: “LOL no.”