@RobElliottComic: Say "Literally" and "Legit" a few more times in that sentence so I know it's literally legit
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@sgrstk: I want a girl who's crazy, but considerate. Like, if she stays home on a Friday night, she's not resting — she's giving the world a break.
@causticbob: I bought a book on eBay called, 'How to scam on eBay'. That was two months ago, and it's not arrived yet.
@leakypod: spotify: hey remember those songs u played nonstop this year me: yes spotify: are u sick of them me: [nods] so sick of them spotify: would u like to listen to all of them again :) me: yes :)