I support Greenpeace because I care about environmental activism, just not enough to do any of the real work myself.
Say what you will about Kylo Ren, but you have to appreciate his Han die coordination.
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Daddy Longlegs: Proof you need to settle your inner demons before naming animals.
Allowing your kids to cuss offers a great balance between
1. making profanity less cool for them
2. pissing your mother-in-law off
Putting all my laundry out on the clothesline so it smells like my neighbour’s BBQ.
I learned a few things in Twitter Jail last night.
1. My wife’s name
2. How to make a shank from a phone charger
3. I need Twitter
If you love something, let it go. Let it run until it reaches the invisible wall & the shock collar you attached to it’s ankle cripples them
GF: “you’re so childish”
me: “it’s my day too linda”
[we sit in silence]
wedding planner: “so is that a yes or a no on the bouncy castle?”
Ladies & gentlemen, this is your pilot speaking. If you look thru the left hand windows right now you’ll see me doing the worm on the runway
Demi Lovato? Isn’t that one of those tiny coffee cups?
[puts cone of shame on dog]
ME: (to dog) sory buddy
DOG: (to all other dogs in neighborhod) BOW DOWN TO LORD FLOFFYTON HEARER OF ALL BARKS