@sammyrhodes

Saying a prayer for all the turkeys tomorrow. Also the single people with concerned relatives.

You Might Also Like

@PinkCamoTO

It’s weird how many people at my office are named “Hey.”

@SimonNRicketts

BIDEN: I’mma punch him when he comes here.
OBAMA: No, Joe. Don’t do that.
BIDEN: Punch him round the back.
OBAMA: Joe.
BIDEN: Kick, then.

@Robert_Beau

Boss: You gonna get any work done today?

Me: Sorry Boss, I was up late watching the game, I’ll pick it up.

B: Who won?

M: Jack Daniels

@caithuls

I have a phone interview today and someone told me to “just be myself” so I’m not going to answer the call

@trevso_electric

On a scale of 1 to girl who just got back from a semester abroad in Europe, how annoying are you?

@NOTVIKING

freezing my bottle of water so that when i go to the airport later i can get it through security because it’s technically not a liquid

@AbbieEvansXO

Hairdresser: [holding up mirror] what do you think?

Me: [horrified] I love it

@HomeProbably

My girlfriend said I never do anything to help so I hid her phone.

I’ll prove her wrong when I find it.