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@clichedout: scientist: what do u know about atoms
me: very little
@minnie_in_pink7: My best friend's marriage is such an inspiration.
As a reminder that there are worse things than dying alone.
@ImaFlyontheWall: If your nervous tick is pointing to the sky then might i suggest not going to auctions anymore.
@jonnysun: did u kno that when a plane lands the first person to stand up gets to drive the plane for the next trip
@HenpeckedHal: My wife and I role play "The Fast and the Furious" in bed. Me and her, respectively.
@FrogAvalanche: Mother: A carrot is just a vegan hotdog.
*son looks at carrot*
Mother: [desperate] Bugs Bunny eats them!
Son: This is updoc.