@Hella_Rad: sometimes i cry when i chop vegetables other than onions, just so the onions don't think they're ugly or something

@roxiqt: Here is a little money saving tip that I've learned: If you spend all of your money on tattoos, then technically, your money will be with you forever.

@TheMichaelRock: Nice try, Team USA. Not bad for a country that only cares about soccer for two weeks every other year!

@robdelaney: Ever see a plane flying toward the moon & it looks like it's gonna hit it & then it does & the oceans boil & wolves take over?

@peachesanscream: To find out your cat name, pick any name at random and refuse to answer to it.