Me: yeah, you like that?
Him: mmhmm yeah
Me: *stopping abruptly & pointing at his mood ring* then why is that white?
Se7en is a great movie even if you haven’t seen o1e, 2wo, thr3e, 4our, 5ive or 6ix.
You Might Also Like
[dentist’s full hand and wrist in my mouth, also his keys?]
so u visited Spain u said? tell me. tell me every goddamn detail about Spain
Parents w/ 1st kid: *Peels grape & slices it into 84 tiny pieces.
Parents w/ 4th kid: *Gives kid knife & fork to cut their own steak.
I love the gym this time of year.
The newbies make me look like a Victoria Secret model.
Him: What’s your fantasy, baby
Me: Me, you and my cat wearing matching sweatersWHERE ARE YOU GOING I HAVEN’T EVEN TOLD YOU ABOUT THE NACHOS
Butterfly courtship ritual:
Male: *does mating dance*
Lady: Fluttery will get you nowhere
I was going through a stack of yearbooks yesterday when I saw I was voted “Most Likely to Steal all These Damn Yearbooks”.
Mushroom: what the heck am I?
God: you’re a mushroom
Mushroom: is-is that good?
God: yes, you have a very important job to do
Mushroom: like what?
God: *envisioning Mario* when the time comes…you’ll know
PREACHER: any prayer requests?
3 DUCKS IN A TRENCHCOAT (from the last pew): do the one about our daily bread
They say women only use 10% of their anger