Thoughts and prayers to all the parents of kids who are right now deciding to change their minds and ask Santa for something different even though Santa already got the first thing and Santa is out of money and patience
Sean’s gf: I feel seen
Sean: for the last time, stop pronouncing it like that
You Might Also Like
I just got off the phone with my mother. She called 12 years ago.
The Goonies went looking for pirate treasure and ended up finding the greatest treasure of all: pirate treasure.
Somewhere, someplace, there’s a hole in the world & inside it there’s a bunch of gremlins hoarding the 50,000 lighters I can’t find.
“Why are all the good ones either married, gay or the Son of God?” – Mary Magdalene.
I’ve been trying out the rum diet this week, I’ve lost 2 days already.
Me: How could you do this?
Her: I just felt like you needed to know
Me: I’ve completely lost trust
Her: I know this is hard
Me: But wrestling? Fake? I’m devastated.
Dog: *just lookin at me*
Me: go lay down
Cat: *kneading her claws into my stomach*
Me: *wincing* thank you
Cat: damn right thank you
But this is my emotional support moat full of alligators
Whenever I see WHOA spelled as WOAH, I assume it’s referring to Noah’s evil twin whose Ark housed all the insect and arachnid life.