@dragonsorbet

[Security breach at Wayne manor]
BRUCE: *brooding darkly*
ALFRED: The back door is literally just a waterfall

You Might Also Like

@Home_Halfway

“Please stop being mean” – Me 3 seconds in to a rap battle

@tastefactory

HULK:*smashes a tank*
IRON MAN:*flies bomb into space to save mankind*
HAWKEYE: I have an arrow w/ your name on it pal, hold on stand still

@VanVeenB

If she asks what the weight limit is on your ceiling fan….

She’s a keeper!

@Horrorsc0pes

The seven new planets cause havoc with your readings. There is nothing but chaos and pain and, for some reason, hot singles in your area.

@crlockha

I often think about the time my ex thought I was cheating on him with a craft store

@DirtMcTurd

Jesus must’ve had a fortune if he paid for all my sins

@loudmouth_usa

Him: Going to Taco Bell, want anything?
Me: I’m just thirsty
Him: What do you want?
Me: Six tacos and a burrito

@GrantTanaka

Hi 911, I’d like to report a drunk naked guy blasting off truck nuts w/ a shotgun. Time of incident? [takes drink] In about 20 minutes lol

@BlindChow

[breakfast in hell]

STALIN: Toast is burnt

POL POT: Eggs are rotten

HITLER: I hate the juice

STALIN: Oh here we go

HITLER: I said JUICE