“I just tried to make reservations at the library”
You don’t need a res-
“Couldn’t get one though”
Don’t do this
“They were fully booked”
“See you on the other side…”
~Me every time I’m at a gate with someone
You Might Also Like
If Socrates had been a woman, he would’ve said: All I know is that I have all these clothes, but I have nothing to wear.
met the cutest girl today. her eyes were gentle, like the light from a phone screen and her smile glowed, like the light from a phone screen
[trying to eat a pretzel]
the knot wizard hath defeated me again
My pet rock likes to dent people’s heads. I don’t blame him
me: haha isn’t it weird that i own you?
dog: [pauses mario kart] own me at what, exactly.
robber: me n Lenny will handle this job tonight, obviously you’re gonna be lookout again…sorry Joe
giraffe: this is bullshit Steve
Him: Did you eat the last s’more?
Him: You’re lying.
Me: How do you know?
Him: Your pants are literally on fire.
When life hands you women, make women laid.
[1st ever peacock to open up his tail]
hey fellas, I dunno what it is, but
i. feel. fantastic.