“Let It Go” performed by Rose and Jack from Titanic. Mostly by Rose, though.
*sees a racoon in the neighbor’s trash*
I won’t say anything if you don’t.
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I’m at my most “penguin”, when I’m walking to get more toilet paper with my shorts around my ankles.
Ran into an ex-girlfriend. We talked, exchanged info, and she said her “insurance would call” me. Someones still carrying a torch!
i thought i heard a dog approaching but it was just some hot girl’s keys jingling. i fixed my hair for nothing
I offered to split the check but my date insisted we go old fashion and fight to the death.
Me: Take my pic *hands him camera & giggles*
Him: What’s funny?
Him: *presses button, explodes, dies*
Me: Ha! Photo bombed!
You’re eating Cheetos on the couch and playing a video game. Your “battle cry” isn’t striking fear into the heart of anyone but the dog.
i’m on my way to a date with a girl i asked out while blackout drunk in the bathroom of pie express. i don’t know what she looks like or why she agreed to go out with me but wish us luck lmao
I’ve been up for 20 hours. There’s no way I could perform surgery right now. Mainly, because I have no medical training.