@JediGigi

[sees annoying coworker at store]

Him: Hey, what’s new?

Me: [gets right up in his face] Stuart, EVERYTHING in here is new.

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@Gilapfeffer

When I was little I dreamed that one day my life would be just like in the movies. Maybe I should have specified what TYPE of movies.

@7_Cents

The name’s Bondjamesbond. James Bondjamesbond.

@Miniwheats2012

Oh ya, let’s sit down and talk about it!

*That’s how I end and win any argument with hubby.

@robotrowboat

Wolverine’s mom: If you’re going out take your brother with you
Wolverine: But Mom he’s so weird
Listerine: Nothing weird about fresh breath

@jonnysun

wat apple fanboy caled it an “apple fanboy” insted of an “iDiot”