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@RCKruseKontrol: *sees money in my bank account*
oh crap i must have forgotten a bill
@SatansTongue: *el chapo dies*
God: okay I'm gonna have to send you to hell
*3 weeks later*
Angel: El Chapo has escaped from hell
@oakhillbargrill: Instead of a tweet up,
I think all the twitter crushes should get together for a weekend in the mountains
A Couples Retweet
@1MeLrO: If you can't call your kid at 8:30 in the morning from the next bedroom to bring you a drink
What's the point of them having a cell phone
@underchilde: I don’t need to use WebMD because my mother always knows a person who had something similar to me, and she remembers how they got rid of it.
@1followernodad: My FedEx guy knocks on the door like his son is dying and I'm the town doctor.